Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines

[Mukhtaar]

Below is the verdict of a reliable Scholar from South Africa (who I was fortunate to meet while I was there)

Question

There are many islamic internet discussion forums to be found on the
internet many of which involve people who post and induldge in idle chit
chat and joking around between men and women. (for reference an example a
forum would be <http://www.sunniforum.com/> www.sunniforum.com or
<http://www.muslimvillage.com/forums> www.muslimvillage.com/forums)

Are established principles in fiqh, such as refraining from giving/returning
unnecessary salams or refraining induldging in unnecessary conversations
still valid and relevant in this environment? Can you please advise
preferably with evidences.

This would be greatly appreciated as many of us are confused over the
boundaries of gender interaction in this specific online medium.

Answer

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

It is not permissible for males to chat unnecessarily and joke with females.
As you have correctly stated in your query, there are established rulings in
fiqh which prohibits males from even responding audibly to the greetings of
females and vice versa. This clearly shows how much more necessary it would
be for members of the opposite gender to abstain from chatting and joking
with each other. In fact, we have been informed that some forums even allow
private messaging between the members. Many members exploit this and end up
flirting with members of the opposite gender.

We do acknowledge that in order to curb this, a few forums have set up a
brothers and sisters section; however, the moderators should be more
vigilant on the general threads and should not allow any unnecessary chit
chats between men and women. The other members should also play their part.
Remember, the devil is playing his part.

قال العلامة الحصكفي في الدر المختار - (6 / 369)

وفي الشرنبلالية معزيا للجوهرة ولا يكلم الأجنبية إلا عجوزا عطست أو سلمت
فيشمتها لا يرد السلام عليها وإلا لا انتهى

وبه بان أن لفظة لا في نقل القهستاني ويكلمها بما لا يحتاج إليه زائدة فتنبه

و قال ابن عابدين في حاشيته- (6 / 369)

وإذا سلمت المرأة لأجنبية على رجل إن كانت عجوزا رد الرجل عليها السلام بلسانه
بصوت تسمع وإن كانت شابة رد عليها في نفسه وكذا في الرجل إذا سلم على امرأة
أجنبية فالجواب فيه على العكس اه وفي الذخيرة وإذا عطس فشمتته المرأة فإن
عجوزا رد عليها وإلا رد في نفسه اه وكذا لو عطست هي كما في الخلاصة قوله ( في
نقل القهستاني ) أي عن بيع المبسوط قوله ( زائدة ) يبعده قوله في القنية رامزا
ويجوز الكلام المباح مع امرأة أجنبية اه وفي المجتبى رامزا وفي الحديث دليل
على أنه لا بأس بأن يتكلم مع النساء بما لا يحتاج إليه وليس هذا من الخوض فيما
لا يعنيه إنما ذلك في كلام فيه إثم اه

فالظاهر أنه قول آخر أو محمول على العجوز تأمل وتقدم في شروط الصلاة أن صوت
المرأة عورة على الراجح ومر الكلام فيه فراجعه

و انظر أحسن الفتاوي - (8/40)

And Allah knows best

Wassalam u Alaikum

Ml. Ismail Moosa,
Student Darul Iftaa

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah

[al-Fajr]

Number 3 definitely needs to be improved on. I've got a few suggestions:

1. Always address the other gender as 'brother' or 'sister' since it adds formality and reminds you that the person you're talking to isn't your wife/husband.

2. Stop using 'lol' and derivates/relatives when replying to the other gender.

3. If you use the forum a lot, then place a sticky paper on the corner of your screen which says 'Speak good or remain silent'. Inshallah that will encourage you to re-read your words before posting.

4. Cut back on the trivial topics, especially in the public forum. That's why we have brothers and sisters sections, so chit chat can take place there.

5. Don't take advise from others as personal attacks and get defensive. We should be encouragin each other in good.

6. Don't hesitate to tell me if I break the above guidelines.

[Umm Binyameen]

I would add to No. 3 'ask yourself if you would say what your about to write in person'

[Abu Layla]

Bro the only thing you're going to get is abuse by spamming this on every thread.

[Mimz]

Jizakallah kheir

[rehan_farook]

Assalam o Aliakum .Its great advice thanks for sharing with us

[Ibn Yusuf]

interaction between men and women on the internet – some guidelines
by: Sheikh salman al-oadah

there are many interactive forums on the internet, including chat sites and online communities. We need to address the critical question of how muslim men and women should conduct themselves when they come into contact with one another while participating in these forums.

The following guidelines should be observed by muslim men and women when interacting with one another on the internet:

1. Never display photographs under any circumstances.

to start with, photographs are simply not necessary. The written word is more than sufficient. We must also appreciate how photographs can become a great opportunity for satan to tempt people and make their foul deeds seem fair to them.

Some people might consider such caution misplaced. However, those who understand how people are seduced and tempted and who have experience in dealing with these problems, know that nothing is far-fetched. Moreover, some people who have a sickness in their hearts manage to deceive themselves and others that something which is completely wrong is instead something that is good and that is motivated by the sincerest and noblest intentions.

2. Use typing and avoid audible means of communication.

if, for some reason, using audible media becomes necessary, then we must adhere to allah's command: “be not too complaisant of speech, lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire; but speak a speech that is just.” [ sûrah al-ahzâb : 32]

this verse was revealed concerning the wives of the prophet (peace be upon him). If this was the case for them, we can appreciate how much more it must apply to us. Moreover, that was during the time of the prophet (peace be upon him) while we are living in the age of permissiveness and promiscuity.

3. Maintain a serious tone and focus in conversation.

we must not get involved in talking at length about things that are unnecessary and unjustified. In truth, many people get a thrill out of merely speaking with the opposite sex, regardless of what the subject might be. Some men just like to hear a pretty voice. Likewise, since women are indeed the full sisters of men, they also find pleasure in speaking with men.

Our tone should be serious. We should avoid all that is superfluous and frivolous.

4. Remain vigilant at all times.

those who we meet on the internet are, for the most part, apparitions. Men come online posturing as women and women often misrepresent themselves as men. Then, there are so many things we do not know about the other person. What is his ideology? What is his background? What country is he from? What is his line of work? What are his real intentions? All of these things are unknown.

I wish to call the attention of our honored sisters to the dangers that experience has shown us to be ever present in these situations. Many young women are quick to believe what others tell them and are very susceptible to sweet words. Such people are easy victims for the predator who lays out his trap. One moment, he is a sincere advisor, another the victim crying out for someone to save him, then he is the lonely man looking for someone with whom to share the rest of his life, the next moment he is the sick man looking for a cure…

5. Muslim women who work with the internet should keep in close contact with one another.

they need to develop strong channels of communication so they can lend a degree of support to each other in this important and possibly dangerous field of endeavor. They need to cooperate closely and share their experiences and expertise. A person standing alone is weak, but standing with others she is strong.

Allah says: “by time! Surely the human being is at loss. Except for those who have faith and do righteous deeds and exhort one another to truth and exhort one another to patience.” [ sûrah al-`asr ]

abû mulaykah al-dârimî narrates: “it was the practice among the prophet's companions, that if two of them met, they would not depart from one another without one of them reading sûrah al-`asr to the other. Then one of them would greet the other with peace.” [ al-mu`jam al-awsat (5120) and shu`ab al-Îm ân (9057)]

i also advise our muslim sisters to focus most of their attention and their efforts on calling other women to islam and enjoining them to righteousness. They should use this valuable medium to assist and serve their sisters and to reform them. This should be done indirectly, subtly, and with wisdom. Too direct an approach, when giving advice, often causes the other party to become angry, confrontational, and obstinate. This is because the person giving advice comes off as seeming high-handed and arrogant, while the one being advised feels shamed and belittled. Therefore, be gentle in your choice of words, good-natured, attentive, and forbearing. This makes the receiving party more conductive to receiving your advice and less likely to spurn it.

وَذَكِّرْ فَإِنَّ الذِّكْرَى تَنفَعُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ

[Taliban Princess]

Can I add no sending of pms to sisters too?

I've had to close off my private messaging inbox due to some unwanted attention (in the past and of late). I want to open it again so that sisters can pm me when/if necessary. But so help me if I receive any pms from brothers again (that includes, married and single brothers) take this as your first and only warning: you'll regret messing with me.

Repeat, no pms from brothers. Start fearing your Lord.

[Ummi_Abdulmalik]

Jazakallah Khair.
At the Moment on facebook there's men dressing up as Niqabi's & adding Sister's who wear the Niqab ...to try get them on webcam to "show" ways to wear the Niqab (the men don't come on the Cam because their "husband" wont buy one) & also hoping that sister's Facebook Pages have their personal Photos (without Niqab) on there.

[Abu Layla]

[Precious_Diamond]

Really good reminder inshaAllah...

http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=Qxej...eature=related

[BintMuhammad]

Bump

[aussiemu]

Bump. Think this reminder is needed.

[rehan_farook]

Jazak Allah nice guidelines.

[myia]

what do you mean by superfluous and frivolous
good post
by the way i flirt with tons of guys! does that mean its haram or i get sin and i cant talk to people without looking at them
help please!!