Best thing to say when refusing a hand shake

[Palo $oldier]

H1n1

[At-Ta'if]

Sorry to revive an old thread but I'm expecting one of these "hand-shake" moments tomorrow in my Interviewing and Negotiation Skills tutorial.

It's a practical subject and we conduct lawyer-client interviews in the form of a role play in front of the class. There are only a handful of guys in the class and they all had their turn so I might be left to do the role play with a female. I'll probably have to end up explaining to the whole class - mid-role play - because the tutor just chooses random people so I won't have the opportunity to explain to my partner beforehand.

To make matters worse, this tutor is a bit of a bully - he's charismatic, fluent, and has about 30+ years experience as a barrister under his belt - he likes to show it. Nobody stands a chance against this guy, except by the will of Allah.

Rabbi shrah-li sadri, wa yassir li amri, wahlul 'uqdatan min lisani, yafqahu qawli.
O Allah expand my chest, and ease my affair, and release the knot from my tongue, so my speech may be understood

Recently at work, a female customer put her hand out and I refused politely and she was understanding. I then proceeded to the office and viewed the cameras to see how I looked - lol.

Anyway, tomorrow's a new day, we'll see how things play out.

[littleMother]

saying something like 'sorry but please don't take it personally its because of religious reasons...'

most people are fine and understanding. some people are like 'whaa...? uh, ok then'

its over in seconds but the reward with Allah is everlasting, insha'Allah

[carol_au]

honestly.. I've refused to shake the hands of many men now since becoming a Muslim and being respectful whilst declining and saying "I am sorry, but as a Muslim woman I don't shake hands with any men" whilst smiling and engaging them in light greetings has never caused me to have any problems at the time or in ongoing discussions .. I don't see a lot of men in my work but it does happen sometimes.. I think if we make a "big deal about it" .. so will others.. Most seem a little surprised but the moment is gone so quickly and you are continuing your conversation so it really isn't a problem.. for me or them.

[At-Ta'if]

True, but I must admit, it's things like these that add to the stress factor in uni life.. alhamdulillah.

[Abu Dujana]

Recently at work, a female customer put her hand out and I refused politely and she was understanding. I then proceeded to the office and viewed the cameras to see how I looked - lol.

I'm afraid we're going to need to see that evidence.

[-Fady-]

True, but I must admit, it's things like these that add to the stress factor in uni life.. alhamdulillah.

That's why you do engineering

[Najah]

ur going to have to find a way to overcome it because as a lawyer its going to come up alot in your work life.

[shaquille20]

Just sneeze on your hand when the opposite sex extends it... This is something Salam Cafe lady taught me on one of their shows back in the day... It works 99.8% of the time

[At-Ta'if]

ur going to have to find a way to overcome it because as a lawyer its going to come up alot in your work life.

Yes of course, but there is always a solution alhamdulillah. It's crucial to build a rapport with your client as to extract the maximum amount of information from them, I'm sure a handshake refusal will not get in the way of that if done in an appropriate manner.

[At-Ta'if]

Just sneeze on your hand when the opposite sex extends it... This is something Salam Cafe lady taught me on one of their shows back in the day... It works 99.8% of the time

I might need to start practising how to fake sneezes

[Cem]

A good range of wording from the various posts.
Apart from the nod of acknowledgement and hand to the chest, I like to add, "Out of respect for women, Islam does not permit shaking hands with the opposite sex."
These few words have a number of effects:
1. It dispels any notion that Islam puts women down.
2. It also dispels the notion that non_Muslim women are considered physically impure.
3. It conveys this in a positive way. No apologies necessary. (I find that whenever someone apologises, it usually draws more attention to that thing.)

[At-Ta'if]

A good range of wording from the various posts.
Apart from the nod of acknowledgement and hand to the chest, I like to add, "Out of respect for women, Islam does not permit shaking hands with the opposite sex."
These few words have a number of effects:
1. It dispels any notion that Islam puts women down.
2. It also dispels the notion that non_Muslim women are considered physically impure.
3. It conveys this in a positive way. No apologies necessary. (I find that whenever someone apologises, it usually draws more attention to that thing.)

Thank you abi, I'll take all that into consideration insha'Allah.

[DerGen]

Few years ago i start not to shake hands with males. Muslims around me made the mockery out of it. Not the disbeliever but Muslims. Nowadays i just don't give them that chance. Eithter try to pick something from your bag, be busy fixing your clothes or shoes. It just doesnt happen i find a way. Before i used to put my hand on my chest and bow my haed front and say ve aleykum selam, this is what i seen before and how it supposed to be but our MUSLIM friends start to make fun of it and said i should shake hands there is nothing wrong with it etc. Muslims these days

[At-Ta'if]

Few years ago i start not to shake hands with males. Muslims around me made the mockery out of it. Not the disbeliever but Muslims. Nowadays i just don't give them that chance. Eithter try to pick something from your bag, be busy fixing your clothes or shoes. It just doesnt happen i find a way. Before i used to put my hand on my chest and bow my haed front and say ve aleykum selam, this is what i seen before and how it supposed to be but our MUSLIM friends start to make fun of it and said i should shake hands there is nothing wrong with it etc. Muslims these days

I understand, most of us would have experienced a similar situation - but the best we can do is educate those Muslims through our speech and actions. I'm not foreign to the concept of refusal in general, but this particular situation is different so I was contemplating on how best to approach it. I guess I'll take on board all the advice and improvise according to the situation.

Sometimes the best plan is no plan at all.

[Ahmad]

advice*

if i had a dollar for..!

[At-Ta'if]

advice*

if i had a dollar for..!

lol Ahmad, you got me good, where it hurts. You know, If I told you how many times I edit and proof-read my posts, you will think I'm crazy.

I remember reading one of my old posts that dated months back and finding mistakes and editing it...

It seems like you're my #1 stalker...

[At-Ta'if]

plz dnt pik on mi posts enimore and leev me aloneee.

[from water]

H1n1

LOL.

advice*

if i had a dollar for..!

See I noticed that, but almost everyone here spells it advise. I thought it was an Australian thing, like color versus colour or something like that.

On topic though, refusing to shake hands is something I usually have a lot of fun with. I just love the wide range of reactions you get and it keeps things interesting. Most of the time in my experience people are very understanding. I usually explain I can't do it because my religion forbids it (I might even explain because it's considered "touching" if I feel the need), but sometimes you get people that are so questioning and uncertain when sticking their hand out, I can tell they know I'm Muslim already (given the beard and whatnot) and they know the drill, so times like that I just shake my head to confirm their ideas or do not put my hand out meaningfully and they understand right away in a way that makes it clear to me that they already know the explanation.

The one time a girl looked at me with utter contempt was during a job interview where we were interviewing her. Funny thing is, she was Jewish, so she already knows how it is since you will find some Jewish girls will tell you themselves that they do not shake hands with other men because it's forbidden in their religion too. It's funny how that works, it's the people who know that get offended (I've had MUslim women get offended at me too) but those who you teach are so understanding.

Another time a girl got a bit offended was when I shook the hands of the two guys she was with and had to decline hers on the spot, but once the matter was explained she understood. She even said all the Muslim guys she met before were doing it wrong and seemed annoyed at them >__>

[Islam_Junkie]

You'll be fine inshallah bro, I think we worry too much what people think, frankly I think if you conduct yourself in a dignified Islamic manner people generally don't sweat the small stuff - unless they're closet bigots anyway! Generally I've had mixed reactions especially in my previous career when dealing with clients (predominately men), but in most cases they respected me more for it, perhaps because I was not ashamed about it and confidant enough to be honest with them and with myself.
And yes, it's understandably confusing to some, because unfortunately some Muslims will shake hands whilst others do not, just like some will join 'em for a meal at the local pub among other things. Subhan Allah then you have to proceed to explain that...but inshallah just look at it as an opportunity for dawah I suppose.

Oh and for the grammar/spelling nazi's I hereby declare any mistakes to be made purely by my stupid iPhone that changes my text and I don't have the time nor concern to amend it lol...
FYI I didn't know spelling 'advice' was a problem amongst us Aussies...interesting.