shaking hands with a non-mahram

[SammerTX]

It's interesting how highlighting certain parts of a text is used to prove a point not made by the actual text. Pity, you didn't cut out the part of the text that disproves your highlighted text.

On the point of 'raising temperatures': Reading through some threads, it is obvious, you do not need a touch to increase the temperature of someone else - be they male or female.

I was poking fun at the highlighted text ie: A woman gets hot when a strange man touches her face and chest?

OH WOW REALLY!?

It took scientists to figure that one out?

That's why I selected those texts.

[Abu Layla]

[abu-usama]

aussiemu, firstly breaking wudu and the issue been Haram or halal are too diffrent things. for instance Riba is Haram, signing a riba deal doesn't break your wudhu.
secondly the mashaikh say touching the opposie gender accidently for eg in the super market check out doesn't brek your wudu, that doesn't give you premission to go around shaking hands with the opposite gender.

Finally i ask you did Rasool Allah salla Allahu alayhi wassalam shook the hands of non mahram women?

And Allah knows best.

[Abu Layla]

abu-usama, I think you'll find that aussiemu knows and agrees with what you're saying.
Welcome to the forum

[Islam_Junkie]

Yes and she was answering a question, not saying that's the opinion she follows.

[abu-usama]

Alhamdulellah.

[caller]

I found a fatwa on another part of the forum that may be somewhat relevant to the discussion here:

originally posted HERE

Question: I am a 26 year old hijabi Muslim woman working as a debt collector in east LA. Recently a NonMuslim coworker, has expressed desire to marry me. It started off as us being friends at work. He is a really friendly and warm person and became even friendlier to me after we ran into each other at an interfaith equality conference that aims to prove that other religions are also equal to Islam. One fine day he pulled up the courage to ask me out, despite knowing that I am a hijabi Muslima. I was shocked and told him that I am a hijabi Muslima, but ma sha Allah he was so accommodating of my religion. We agreed to only go for a walk by the beach after Isha prayers, so that there would be no khalwah between us as it's a public spot, and yet we'd also have the privacy that we would require on that oh-so-special first ‘date’. He was the sweetest gentleman and he brought a dozen roses and a dozen giant 18 oz. Fruit 'n Nut Toblerone bars that still had 2 weeks on them, in an eco friendly jute bag. He had picked them up at a clearance sale in a local discount store. On our first 'date', he never made any indecent advances or even tried to hold my hand, and was even kind enough to drop me home an hour before Fajr, right in time for my tahajjud prayers. Since then, we've been regularly going on similar 'dates' for the last 3 months, although without the Fruit 'n Nut Toblerones as they went out really fast in the sale, but every single time he's been the same gentleman without fail. He has now expressed interest that he wants to take our relationship to ‘the next level’, and since I am a Muslim, the only logical option for me is to marry. Anything else is haram for me, mister. I really like and respect him a lot and have been giving this some serious thought. Can you please tell me if I am allowed to marry him. He describes his religious inclinations as a "Born-again Scientologist – Couch Jumping Thetan V". I would like to ask you why is it that Muslim men can marry Christian and Jewish women but Muslim women can't marry any NonMuslims. All your help will be greatly appreciated. May Allah reward you greatly. Sincerely, "Fruit 'n Nut Muslima".

Answer: Dear sister in Islam 'Fruit 'n Nut Muslima', I greet you with the greeting of Islam, As-Salamu 'Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu.

I thank you for your question and pray that this reply finds you in the highest spirits of iman, ihsan, adab, akhlaq and the greatest admiration for renaissance shuyukh.

In Islam we look at the higher objectives and maqaasid behind a ruling and the deeply hidden soul behind the words of our beloved Prophet; we do not just blindly follow their shell - even if - the Prophet did explicitly and expressly command for or against something and even if that is how all the companions and mujtahid scholars have accepted his words. The same is the case with the rulings of the sahaba and the fuqahaa which served the purpose for the times they were said in, but we must understand that Islam can be and must be changed to suit the needs of the hour as required by the people that claim to follow it.

Now what are those higher maqaasid in religion? They are to make life as gratifying and appealing to our egos, as possible. Not only that, they are also aimed at pleasing as many people as we possibly can in a single lifetime as this alone will attain our aim of da’wah. As you know, da’wah is not as much about saying the truth as much as it is about pleasing people, even if it means bending the truth juuussst a li’l bit so that we preach at the level of someone’s understanding of what he wants to hear. Religion is not meant to impose restrictions on people and generate hardships for them.

The reason that Muslim men were allowed to marry Christian and Jewish women in the Prophet's time was that those were the most common NonMuslims who interacted with Muslims considering the geo-political circumstances surrounding the Muslims of those times, and families in those days in any society, Muslim or not, were strictly patriarchal, so it was but natural for the woman and the children to blend into the man's religion. Therefore, Muslim women's marriage was only restricted to Muslim men to safeguard their religion so they do not end up leaving Islam, notwithstanding women's financial dependence on men, which would mean the man could even force the woman to change her religion based on threats of financial hardships or divorce, and as you know in those days divorced women were frowned upon and found it very hard to remarry.

As we know, in these times, society has changed. We live in diverse and multicultural societies and Muslims’ interactions are not just limited to Christians and Jews but rather to people of all faiths, all of which are great religions. Women, both Muslim and NonMuslim, are far more liberated, educated, confident and self-reliant. They are not financially dependent on men and divorce is as chic as stiletto heels.

Therefore, it is highly unlikely that a girl who is firmly convinced of Islam and has attained haqq al-yaqeen at a rihlah on the Portuguese Azores, after a deen intensive in the Argentinian Andes and an inner purification retreat in Cordoba, who is a devoted Muslima, who is educated in her rights granted to her by the fiqh of the 4 madhhabs, is a self-sufficient and self-reliant career woman in worldly matters, and has the most charming adab to keep her husband wooing her charm and brilliance, will just leave Islam only because her husband happens to be a NonMuslim. On the contrary, it is far more likely that the husband will see the beauty of her Islam and eventually convert into her religion. Is that a win or is that a win?

We can then safely conclude, that keeping in line with usul of looking at the higher maqaasid of making things as gratifying for people as possible and reading into the inner souls of the verses, the ahadith, and words of scholars, completely disregarding their explicit and unambiguous verbal commandments and the interpretations of mujtahid scholars, the ruling prohibiting marriages of Muslim women to NonMuslim men is redundant for our times and it is permissible for Muslim women to marry NonMuslim men, whether they are Christians or Jews or "Born-again Scientologist – Couch Jumping Thetan V" (hint, hint).

In fact, depending on any individual circumstances, it may even be recommended or mandub, for the purposes of da’wah and advancing the spread and outreach of Islam and promoting interfaith harmony, establishing good relations with our fellow NonMuslim citizens. Needless to say, Muslim men too are permitted to marry women of any faith, not just Christian or Jewish.

Please have a good read of my book “A Common Bridge Between Islam & Scientology” which I launched at The Assembly of World Religions, to have a look at all the wonderful commonalities between these two great traditions of Islam and Scientology. I have drawn really long bows and shown in excruciating details the similarities between Scientology’s ‘Bridge to Total Freedom’ and Islam’s Bridge of As-Sirat that Muslims shall cross on the Day of Judgment in order to arrive in Paradise. This concept of bridges is what bridges these two great traditions of Islam and Scientology, pun intended.

Secondly, you must also note the dispensation that exists in the Shari'ah that a person whose life is under immediate threat, can say an utterance of disbelief. If a person's life is in immediate danger, and he can even utter words of disbelief, then marriage is only a lesser matter. You have said that you stay in LA. We are all aware of the crime scene here. Statistically, there is 0.000000016% chance of you being murdered by another Angeleno. Please note that this is a very serious matter and all Angelenos face this risk of being murdered by another Angeleno. This person, you say, brought a dozen roses and a dozen giant Toblerone bars in a jute bag on a first date! Who does that on a first date? In fact, who does something like that on ANY date?! Like seriously, that is SO whack! Even if this person is the sweetest gentleman now, who is to say that he won’t take offense to your rejection of his proposal and pull a gun against you? You therefore, have a valid dispensation to accept his proposal in order to save your life.

Since you already possess a valid fiqh dispensation under your belt that even lets you utter words of disbelief under an imminent threat to life, you are automatically allowed to marry this man as a matter of self defense right off the bat. Human life is very sacred in Islam. You have this dispensation, right from the start, and we did not even need to look at any further arguments and evidences. However, to silence our critics, the people of extreme interpretations, who like to fight tooth and nail to introduce a 1400 year old Islam into 2012, we have explained the fiqh of it as well so that they too are completely convinced.

I pray to Allah to guide you to all that is appealing and satisfying to your nafs and your long list of Facebook friends, and even ‘friends of friends’, and to grant you the highest levels of adab and respect for Muslim brothers and sisters, specially renaissance scholars who teach you the deen, for their flesh is poisoned and speaking out against their opinions and being critical of them is a sure invitation to Allah's wrath.

With adab and warm regards, was'salam.

Jamal Samson, SIDI
A 100% SATISFACTION GUARANTEED “renaissance sheikh” – and Bob Saget’s neighbor.

SIDI Registration No. 85446123907
Master Adab Practitioner & Honorary Fellow, Global Adab Society, Cambridge, UK
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Our mission statement – Issuing fatawa that offer complete and utter self-gratification to people of all faiths, genders, ethnicities, and sexual orientations. We live by our word!

For further information, please visit our boutique dar al-ifta in one of these chic locations:

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The above is satire aimed at scholars who seek duniya at the expense of Islam, and NOT a real fatwa. All references are fictitious and any resemblance to any real life person or entity are coincidental. Extreme examples are given so that Muslims can see how these people play with knowledge of deen. It is an exposition of the kufr of those who play with Islam, using satire, NOT a statement of it. Mocking & satirizing the munafiqin and mushrikeen is permitted by Sahih Ahadith. While you have a laugh, also be sure to gain some insights into the typical linguistic programming methods used by the enemies of Islam to deceive innocent Muslims, and at least grasp some of their techniques how THEY play with the rules of religion and make a mockery of Islam.

[cheesegirl]

OMG caller I thought you had lost your mind!! I got to the part about it being recommended to marry non-Muslim and couldn't believe what I was reading lol.

[waleed-]

Stranger's touch makes women feel hot

A study shows women get hotter when they feel a stranger's touch, especially if the person making contact is a man.

Scientists have shown a two-second touch on the face and chest triggered a significant increase in the facial temperature of female volunteers.


Attachment 6573

I wonder if they get hotter if they touch themselves, pun intended.

I try my utmost not to shake hands with women, and most time im successful.Even if i do i dont do it with any desire.

I had one episode few weeks ago when i was walking to a mcdonalds restaurant, i saw female ex co worker who i had worked with before.

I saw her near the door and i was just expecting a hi, i didnt really want to speak to her.

She then jumps up and starts hugging me, im like WTF, i didnt want her to hug me lol.And not only that, her hubby was next to her, and im like, im going to get belted here, but with my size dont think many people would pick a fight with me lol.

[SammerTX]

Yeah it happens. Over here, it's very prevalent in the culture for people to hug you.

Thought this piece was quite good:

Getting Real with Da`wah: Those Touchy Situations
MARYAM AMIREBRAHIMI | JUNE 1, 2012 5:00 AM

Imagine three scenarios.

The first: A young man sees a Muslim woman sitting behind a table that reads, “Free Qur’ans and Info on Islam,” on his campus. The young man has been wanting to learn more about Islam and thinks this as the perfect opportunity. In his desire to show his respect and acceptance of the Muslim woman behind the table, he enthusiastically approaches the Muslimah and introduces himself, sticking out his hand in introduction.

She, having apprehended this moment, responds to his innocent gesture matter-of-factly. “I don’t shake men’s hands,” she states and leaves his hand hanging. He, confused and embarrassed, recoils his hand and begins to apologize if he had offended her while she tries to begin explaining something about modesty and gender. He leaves the table possibly more interested, but also, possibly turned off.

The second: The same young man is approaching that same Muslimah behind the da`wah (outreach) table. She sees him coming and prepares herself. As he approaches and sticks out her hand, she sticks hers out and passes something to him in their exchange. Instead of her hand, he feels something big, cold and hard. He looks at it and realizes… It’s a wide bar of chocolate! She smiles at his surprise and confusion and explains, “We emphasize professional relationships through modest interactions between genders… So instead of exchanging handshakes, we exchange chocolate!”

Their hands touching were completely intercepted by an unexpected delicacy. The Muslimah did not take something away from him while he was sincerely trying to greet her. Instead, he was given a gift and was then very receptive to hearing the reason for which he was gifted.

The third: The same young man is approaching and the Muslimah realizes she ran out of chocolate. As he approaches and sticks out his hand in greeting, she sticks hers out in a peace sign. “Can I give you a peace sign?” she asks. “We emphasize professional relationships through modest interactions between genders, so we love giving peace signs in place of handshakes!” He then mimics her peace sign, giving her a peace sign in return.

Some Muslims choose not to physically interact with adult members of the opposite sex who are not blood-related to them. When meeting someone for the first time, some Muslims may choose not to shake hands. When on campus, some Muslims dodge their bodies to avoid hugs.

These moments often begin with trepidation on the part of the Muslim who chooses not to engage in physical touch and they end in confusion, embarrassment and sometimes offense on the part of the person who tried to extend respect and acceptance through culturally acceptable modes of physical expression.

However, it does not have to be awkward, confusing or embarrassing! For those who choose to follow the opinions barring physical touch with unrelated members of the opposite sex, it can be a moment of great da`wah!

It just needs to be done with swag.

When it comes to handshakes, instead of pulling away and taking away the shared experience of a sign of acceptance in our culture, Muslims should think of creative ways to give something in exchange in order to honor and appreciate the kind gesture.

Hand situations might be easier to intercede for those who choose not to shake them, but what about hugs? At times, in their excitement, people throw themselves on others and there is little time to back away. Depending on the circumstance, perhaps a way to creatively deal with this in the moment is by shouting, “Air hug!” As one person moves forward for the embrace, the Muslim can back away with arms wide open, meeting their attempted hug with something similar—just without touching and plenty of space in between.

At this point, the Muslim can explain that Islam encourages professional relationships between genders and as modesty is emphasized, Muslims seek ways to maintain that modesty and respect through different venues. After a couple of times, other people get the point and are able to figure out ways by which they can respect and value the concept of non-touch professional relationships.

Particularly with the air hug, some wonder if it would give the wrong message. However, it seems the communicated message actually reads: I’m off limits. However, even with those limits, I’m working within my religion to try to make sure I appreciate and honor your gesture of acceptance.

For Muslims who choose not to touch, every situation is going to be different and must be met with wisdom as Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) tells us, “Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best. Indeed, your Lord is most knowing of who has strayed from His way, and He is most knowing of who is [rightly] guided,” (Qur’an, 16:125).

Helping someone find the beauty in Islam through a Muslim’s character and actions is more commendable and righteous than causing someone to feel embarrassed or offended because of an inadequate da`wah move. If one chooses not to engage in physical touch, they should take it upon themselves to make sure they do it in a creative and engaging manner so that those curious about Islam will find themselves even more interested—not the other way around.

Each one of us has different experiences and insight. The above are just a few suggestions. Please share your collective wisdom on how to get real with da`wah as specifically related to inter-gender relations so we can learn from your wisdom!

[falah]

I have had a female client who asked me a lot of questions about Islam, I spent about 10 minutes explaining Islam to her. At the end she seemed very impressed, and she said I would like to shake your hand. I said I don't shake hands with women. She asked if it is because women are considered dirty by Islam. Ahh good, gave me another 5 minutes to tell her how unlike Judaism, Islam does not consider women to be dirty.

Not shaking hands is dawah.

Reminds me of a brother who drives taxi. He gets a passenger who tells him she is a stripper. He says to her "My religion forbids me from looking at women", she says to him "I love your religion".

Da'wah comes in many forms.

[At-Ta'if]

'Allah gives grandeur to the one who abandons laughing excessively' - `Umar ibn Al-Khattāb (r.a)

Translated to English from a quote on the noticeboard outside Meadow Heights Mosque.

If you are wondering what relation it has to shaking hands with the opposite gender - people will treat you according to how they see you. If you are overly jokey or let your guard down, people will treat you in that manner, and will not hesitate to pull pranks on you et cetera; but if you act in a more dignified, serious manner, people will know you for that and interact with you accordingly.

That is not to say you can't smile or be friendly or what-not, no; it is about maintaining a balance.

These are my personal observations and clearly not applicable to random people you have not met.

[Muslim..Priincess]

I really hope rejecting a hand shake does not lessen your chances of getting work ( i.e. in an interview)

[At-Ta'if]

I really hope rejecting a hand shake does not lessen your chances of getting work ( i.e. in an interview)

Sister, were you addressing me or in everybody in general? The English language is a failure.

[Muslim..Priincess]

Nah I meant it in general, What you said was good anyway

[Islam_Junkie]

I really hope rejecting a hand shake does not lessen your chances of getting work ( i.e. in an interview)

No it simply means it wasn't meant for you and Allah SWT knows best.