Marriage for students

[At-Ta'if]

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,

We all know of the Ayat that encourage the Muslims to get married and the many ahadith that illustrates the importance of marriage for the believing men and women.

The sahaba such as Ibn Mas'ud and Mu'az Ibn Jabal proclaimed that they did not want to die and stand before Allah without being in a married state.

All of the Prophets mentioned in the Qur'an have fulfilled the sunnah of marriage.

Up until recently, my perception of marriage was that I have many years ahead of me and I should not rush.

I no longer hold that viewpoint as the Prophet (saw) has told the men and women to marry if they are able to and if they are not, observe fasting because fasting is a shield against kabair.

The important factor above is that marriage is recommended before fasting for those who are able to.

Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an:

"And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Sâlihûn (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allâh will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allâh is All-Sufficent for His creatures' needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people)." (32)

As I continue reading my book, the importance of marriage becomes even clearer.

I have two questions:

1. How sensible in your opinion would it be for a university student to get married? ; and

2. Along with marriage comes financial responsibilities amongst many others.
How do we balance this responsibility with the above verse (Nur, 32) where Allah (swt) tells us that He will enrich us out of His bounty? (keeping in mind the financial position of the average student).

I understand that everybody has different circumstances and only the individual themselves can judge whether they are prepared for marriage.

The above questions are sincere and genuine. I hope I have made myself clear and if you need me to clarify anything then please ask.

Jazakumullahu khairan, wassalam.

[Ummi_Abdulmalik]

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[El Muslima]

I have a few children & my husband has been working & studying/ at first part time & then full time also.

Allah provides , Alhamdulillah. Also , on many occasions I have helped him proof read his assignments although on others, I didn't have a clue of how to help.

Well, when he was completing his honours, I did help him to get his thesis binded at officeworks while he attended to other pressing matters.... like be with the kids .

So.... its not impossible . Just a matter of juggling your time & finances.

Give it a go

[At-Ta'if]

Was your husband studying full-time and working part-time or the other way around?

Also, did you move out when you first got married or did you stay with the parents?

Either way, what difficulties did you face, if any?

JazakAllah khair

[Ummi_Abdulmalik]

Irsyad was working full time, we lived with his parents and I studied yr 11. It wasn't hard because his parents were paying rent and food but Irsyad would contribute to the costs.
The hard part was being in Niqab 24 / 7 and having to leave a room when ever one of my 3 bro in laws came in.

[Dina_]

wa'alaykumusalam brother*

i dont have personal experience myself but i do know of many young people around me who have gotten married. brother from what i have learnt from other peoples experiences is that deen and chracter really play a big role in the success of your marriage. i know of quite afew young people who are married and are having problems, these problems could easily be solved and diminished completely if the marriage was based on the deen and pleasing Allah s.w.t, if you and your spouse have the right intentions, are inshAllah willing to practice to the best of your abilities and please Allah and each other then inshAllah you wont have anything to worry about. Allah will provide if you sincerely beleive and put trust in Him.
i think wether or not you both attend uni is also a factor. i know of a couple and they both attend uni and it gets quite stressfull especially around exam time so they are married but they dont live togethor and plan to move in togethor after uni.but i have another friend of mine who did a teaching degree while her husband studied part time and worked and she had her son second year of uni. they are mashAllah very happy togethor so really it just depends on how much you think you can handle.
also living with your inlaws/your parents isnt always a bad idea as there will be less financial stress in terms of bills, food and those kinds of expenses, and you can move out whenever you feel you are ready to.however all this ofcourse comes down to personal prefernce.
akhi i cannot stress how important it is to find someone who is godfearing, and on the deen,islam plays such a big role in marriage and without it a marriage will deteriorate
also in regards to your first question i would say it is quite a sensible idea if you feel that you are able to do so;

1 'Alqamah said,

While I was going along with 'Abd Allāh, he said, We were with the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allāh be on him, and he said:

"He who is able to marry should marry, for it keeps the eye cast down and keeps a man chaste; and he who cannot, should take to fasting, for it will have a castrating effect upon him."

"And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find quiet of mind in them and He put between you love and compassion" (30:21).

subhanaAllah such a beautiful ayah

The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

`O young people! Whoever among you can support a wife should marry, for that is more modest for the gaze and safer for your private parts.'

( Marriage quote from Sahih Muslim, Sahih Bukhari)

inshAllah *this helps and i pray that Allah blesses you with a pious wife and makes the means by which you wish to get married easy for you **

[your sister]

aaaawwwwwww how disappointing for those who were expecting a polygamy thread

[At-Ta'if]

Dina_, JazakAllah khair.

There are many couples out there with different circumstances doing well alhamdulillah. In fact, my brother got married at my age and he has one child and another one on the way, Masha'Allah. His situation is different because he is not studying, but working full-time.

Also, his wife is a revert so my family has broken the taboo which unfortunately exists in some cultures.

Without a doubt, a marriage must be based on Islam and both husband and wife must exercise their responsibilities and duties firstly to Allah, then towards their respective spouse. More importantly, marriage is an act of worship which brings the slave closer to Allah (swt).

Ameen to your du'aa, it's a matter of naseeb.

[mayk]

It is difficult to adjust in marriage at any age, getting married as soon as possible should be encouraged.

[Curiously_Undercover]

wa aleikum assalaam wa rahamtAllah wa barakaatuh,

When your married and living in a manner that pleases Allah swt, He puts a blessing in your financial state and time - no matter your age.

My husband and i live together - he works full-time, is very active in the field of dawah and is a part-time uni student (via correspondence). It does get very full on sometimes...your financial state may get tough, your time with one another may be very little (even if your in the same room), the stress may hit the roof, and you may take it out on one another - but no doubt Allah swt does put love and mercy between the hearts

I myself am a part-time student as well as a full-time carer for my mum. I decided i needed to get a job for that little extra help, so i joined with nutrimetics, and even the slightest increase of income goes a long way.

If you stay working in the way of Allah, you cant go wrong inshaa'Allah...
When you think your about to crash, He picks you up and everything is all better walhamdulillah.

[littleMother]

are you studying in Aus or overseas?

I married my husband while he was a student at Madinah Uni. He continued to study and left me here for about a year, I was very hard as newly weds being seperated. he wouldve taken me there but the Saudi's dont make it easy, but that deserves its own different thread, so wont get started!

he ended up deffering becasue we were expecting our first child together, we needed money so his plan was to defer for a year, be with me during the pregnancy etc, work hard and save up then take us all back to Madinah with him to study. at the time we were on the waiting list for the spousal study visas. long story short, none of that ended up happening for lots of reasons, our first child is just over 1yr and now another baby is on the way very soon and he is sitll working really hard trying to save, coz his dream is to study Islam abroad and take his family with him (eventually Hijrah) insha'Allah.

I remember him telling me that most of his teachers/shaykhs at the Uni adviced the young single brothers there not to get married coz it distracts them from their studies alot. well, my husband didnt listen to his teacher but he did admit to me that his teacher was right. it is a very big distration. He misses the Uni alot. He would almost be finished by now... but QadarAllah ma shaa fa'al. We all do what we think is best at the time.

So I guess it depends on what/why you are studying and how important is it to you? marriage/starting a family is full on, plus throwing full-time study into the mix is really tough.

May Allah help you to make the right decision.

[At-Ta'if]

are you studying in Aus or overseas?

I married my husband while he was a student at Madinah Uni. He continued to study and left me here for about a year, I was very hard as newly weds being seperated. he wouldve taken me there but the Saudi's dont make it easy, but that deserves its own different thread, so wont get started!

he ended up deffering becasue we were expecting our first child together, we needed money so his plan was to defer for a year, be with me during the pregnancy etc, work hard and save up then take us all back to Madinah with him to study. at the time we were on the waiting list for the spousal study visas. long story short, none of that ended up happening for lots of reasons, our first child is just over 1yr and now another baby is on the way very soon and he is sitll working really hard trying to save, coz his dream is to study Islam abroad and take his family with him (eventually Hijrah) insha'Allah.

I remember him telling me that most of his teachers/shaykhs at the Uni adviced the young single brothers there not to get married coz it distracts them from their studies alot. well, my husband didnt listen to his teacher but he did admit to me that his teacher was right. it is a very big distration. He misses the Uni alot. He would almost be finished by now... but QadarAllah ma shaa fa'al. We all do what we think is best at the time.

So I guess it depends on what/why you are studying and how important is it to you? marriage/starting a family is full on, plus throwing full-time study into the mix is really tough.

May Allah help you to make the right decision.

JazakAllahu khair for your insight and advice.

I'm studying full-time in Australia and my course is very important to me. I have worked hard to get to where I am and by the will of Allah, I've achieved some of my goals.

I'm on a break from uni (holidays) and I have two jobs now alhamdulillah. When uni begins, I usually go three days per week and the rest of the days I'm working. I'm aware that once married, I have to make many sacrifices and priorities need to change.

Many students spend their time in illicit relationships and have time to study, alhamdulillah Allah has given us a halal alternative, and a beautiful one at that. The time spent engaging in haraam activities can perhaps be substituted with sparing time for the husband or wife.

It goes without saying that such a relationship requires tolerance and sacrifice from both sides to function properly. Nobody is perfect, and there will be times where our patience and strength are tested like in every marriage.

I think it's easier for females to study while being married, especially if there are no children because the male has the burden of providing financial support.

I have a friend who recently got married and is working full-time. He plans on returning to his studies and so does his wife. I will speak to him too when I get the opportunity insha'Allah, may Allah bless their marriage.

Insha'Allah everything works out for you and your husband, ameen to your du'a.

[At-Ta'if]

I would appreciate the input of the brothers as well (I know mayk is a brother).

[*zahra]

My hubby is a full time student and both him and I are pretty young and expecting our first child soon, all I can say is with the correct intention Allah puts so much baraka into ur relationship subhanallah it's truly amazing.

[carol_au]

My hubby is a full time student and both him and I are pretty young and expecting our first child soon, all I can say is with the correct intention Allah puts so much baraka into ur relationship subhanallah it's truly amazing.

Masha'Allah.. Allahu Akbar.. I hadn't heard the last bit of news.. Masha'Allah sis.. masha'Allah!!!

[from water]

1. How sensible in your opinion would it be for a university student to get married?

Very sensible, possibly one of the most sensible things a person can do. It will save you much in the way of headaches and protect you from the fifty million fitan that come with going to college since most of them today are mixed, and add to that the state of people today. If anything, it should be a requirement honestly. You will get people who will try to discourage you and scare you with the money aspect of it and tell you "i3qal wa tawakkal", but that's usually just ridiculous. You don't need to be rich to get married, you just need enough for yourself and wife.

2. Along with marriage comes financial responsibilities amongst many others.
How do we balance this responsibility with the above verse (Nur, 32) where Allah (swt) tells us that He will enrich us out of His bounty? (keeping in mind the financial position of the average student).

Honestly, marriage will probably save you money in college considering that your wife can cook for you. Eating out is so expensive these days, it's cheaper to cook to feed multiple people than it is to eat outside to feed a single person. You might consider that you already prepare your own food for yourself, but think about the quality of that food. For instance many students here eat ramen noodles because they're so cheap and easy to prepare, but even then, that stuff is just plain bad for you. For all we know it will cost you a lot in health later on.

Not only that but having a good supportive wife will get you far. It will motivate you in college and in life in general if Allah wills, so you will see better results. If you think you can manage it, I'd say go for it man, marriage is the way forward.

[At-Ta'if]

JazakAllah khair akhi, good to hear different perspectives.

[Umm Binyameen]

I totally agree with From Water, and the best time to do it would be while you're on holidays, so that you get to spend that special time with your wife getting to know each other and then when its time to get back to study you will be familiar and have a routine insha'Allah.

May Allah (swt) grant you the best wife, one who will assist you with your studies, your life and who will help you to enter Jannah (and you the same for her).

It was narrated that Thawbaan said: When there was revealed about silver and gold what was revealed, they said: So what kind of wealth should we acquire? ‘Umar said: I will find out about that for you. So he mounted his camel and caught up with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I was right behind him. He said: O Messenger of Allaah, what kind of wealth should we acquire? He said: “Let one of you acquire a thankful heart, a tongue that remembers Allaah and a believing wife who will help him with regard to the Hereafter.”

Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi (3094). In another version it says: “who will help him with his faith.” Ibn Maajah (1856). Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

[Abdraheim]

I got married working long crap shifts had 2 start 1st bachelors then finished and had 3 kids worked for a bit long shifts less crappy had a 4th kid then start another bachelors completed now working alhamdulillah. It's wasn't easy mashallah and there is a lot to juggle but we have never had serious issue alhamdulillah now I'm doing 14hr night shifts ....wait.... Wha the !!!!!

[At-Ta'if]

I totally agree with From Water, and the best time to do it would be while you're on holidays, so that you get to spend that special time with your wife getting to know each other and then when its time to get back to study you will be familiar and have a routine insha'Allah.

May Allah (swt) grant you the best wife, one who will assist you with your studies, your life and who will help you to enter Jannah (and you the same for her).

It was narrated that Thawbaan said: When there was revealed about silver and gold what was revealed, they said: So what kind of wealth should we acquire? ‘Umar said: I will find out about that for you. So he mounted his camel and caught up with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I was right behind him. He said: O Messenger of Allaah, what kind of wealth should we acquire? He said: “Let one of you acquire a thankful heart, a tongue that remembers Allaah and a believing wife who will help him with regard to the Hereafter.”

Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi (3094). In another version it says: “who will help him with his faith.” Ibn Maajah (1856). Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

JazakAllah khair, ameen.

I like the idea of getting it done during the holidays, something I didn't look into in much detail. Deferring for a year is also an option although I'm not too fond of that.

I had come across the above hadith in the book I'm reading so it was a timely reminder.

A very special thanks to those who have contributed thus far.

Wassalam.