My name is maya* I am 16yrs old and converted to islam about 6months ago. I seem to be facing alot of challenges and problems.. I need someone to look after me and tell me its not just me and that im going tro be alright
Firstly, I know its haraam, but I have a boyfriend who is also muslim, I know its not the best but my familyy don't know I have converted and becoming engaged at a young age will make them crazy
Honestly, I do love my boyfriend. His mum (also muslim) has taken me in as her own and helped me with alot of things although I seem to be ffacing many challenges
although I shouldn't be judgmental, my boyfriend is 'wandering' away from islam and his beliefs.. he's drinking smoking partying and girls flirting with him. I find it difficult to cope and have been prraying alot.. but I don't want to be angry with him because without him.. im nothing..
I want to wear hijab, pray at the mosque and participate in islamic events but find it difficult because of my family...
There's are more complex storries to my problems although to long to type. Please someone help me!
Thread: major advice/ help needed
Results 1 to 15 of 15
09-Dec-2011 03:15 PM
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- Sep 2011
Last edited by mayac; 10-Dec-2011 at 09:14 AM. Reason: mis
09-Dec-2011 03:27 PM
Wa Alaykum Assalam
You should break up with your boyfriend and worry about yourself first. Focus on getting good Muslim friends around you, going to the masjid and going to Islamic centres and events. You don't have to tell your family where you are going, for example just say you are going to see friends, you don't have to mention that you are going to an Islamic centre.
If the boy you are currently with is doing these things then he is not a good influence on you and is not going to help you come closer to Allah. You should tell him that you cannot be with him now as you fear Allah and don't want to be held accountable for his sins nor your own.
I went through almost exactly the same thing that you did, and I had a friend who also embraced Islam when I did. I broke up with my girlfriend and he did not, he said he loved her too much, even though he knows his relationship is Haram.
9 years later they are still together and he still does not pray.. may Allah guide him. This is because his girlfriend is not a good influence on him!!
Make sure that you stay away from all sins and Allah will help you dear sister. Allah will give you better friends and a true happiness, just make your way towards Him and begin your prayers and you will see things will become easy.
Make sure to meet some of the sisters on this forum and to attend Islamic centres often. If you ever have any problems we are all here to assist you insha'Allah. Many of us are also converts and will know what you are going through and can offer lots of advice.Il futuro appartiene all'Islam
09-Dec-2011 04:24 PM
yeah and sis maya but your boyfriend is flirting with girls.. you can get a better guy loveبعبارة مختصرة جبهتنا منصورة
09-Dec-2011 04:53 PM
Wa alaykum sallam sis
May Allah reward you for entering into Islam and wanting to follow His commands, I ask Allah to make it easier for you.
Right now, are you living with your boyfriend, or are you with your family? InshAllah try going to Islamic events, weekly lectures, and centers. Many of us go and would be happy to meet and help you.
If you are in the northern side, then I know that Meadow heights mosque every wednesday conducts a girls-only lectures that lasts for one hour, we are all roughly your age, between 12-28 I believe..If you are able to make it we can speak about your issue and I know the older sisters have the means to help.
If telling your parents will be a problem, then don't, just say your going out or something.
I don't know whether telling you to break up with your boyfriend is the best thing right now, ( of course you shouldn't..but if your staying at his place and that's the only place you have you might want to wait) try telling him that what his doing is wrong and that he should stop immediately.
And in the mean time fear Allah, both you and your bf.
Wasallam and All the best, if you have any other problems then let us know and see if we can do anything inshAllahReligion is all about moral character; therefore, whoever beats you in character beats you in religion."
O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a faded shadow is sheer stupidity!
- Ibn Qaiyim rahimuhAllaah
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09-Dec-2011 05:26 PM
Wa Alaykum Assalam sister,
Welcome to Islam. May Allah keep us all steadfast on this beautiful religion.
Allah says in the Quran:
"Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you." (49:13)
Women is Islam are like a diamond and are precious. Your boyfriend does not know this or does not care.
If you make Allah happy by obeying him through doing good deeds to the best of your ability, then He will certainly reward you with something better and make things easier for you.
As others have suggested, attend some classes and events and you will see that there are so many opportunities available for you. If you close a door for the sake of Allah, He will open other doors for you.O you who believe! Stand out firmly for Allâh as just witnesses and let not the enmity and hatred of others make you avoid justice. Be just: that is nearer to piety, and fear Allâh. Verily, Allâh is Well-Acquainted with what you do. (Al-Mā'idah: 8)
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09-Dec-2011 05:55 PM
Welcome sister. The advice given is all good....and I pray that Allah (swt) gives you the strength and conviction to do what is right. I know you are young, both in age and as a Muslim. You will come to realise that this life is a series of tests, and we have to go through a lot to finally realise that the only One we need to please is Allah. Your commentbecause without him.. im nothing..When Allah tests you, it is never intended to destroy you.
When He removes something in your possession,
it is only in order to empty your hands for an even greater gift."
Ibn Qayyim al Jawziyyah
09-Dec-2011 10:09 PM
wa Alaykum salam wa rahmatullah
Welcome to Islam, may Allaah keep you firm and steadfast upon His religion, aameen
“Islam destroys that which came before it” means that it erases all previous sins and wipes them out. Stated by al-Nawawi rahimahullah in Sharh Muslim.
Your like a new-born inshaAllaah (God Willing)Let not any Muslim belittle another Muslim, for the lowest of the Muslims is great in the Sight of Allah. - Abū Bakr As Siddiq (Radi allahu anhu)
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10-Dec-2011 09:09 AM
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- Sep 2011
Thankyou everyone for your advice and help (:
Musa- its very difficult doing everything so secretive and alone ,although my friends are Muslim, they are not practicing..may Allah guide them and i also know having a boyfriend is haraam, but honestly although he does silly things, im not with him when he does it and after he does he regrets it and says sorry.. although i dont like that.. thats the way it is right now.. im trying to live a good lifestyle and im trying to hold a good relationship with Allah.
Fatima_43- im from Sydney. && thankyou sister !
Muslim..Priincess- i live with my family in sydney who are all christian and are strongly against islam, this is not where i want to be living but is the only place for now. i had a very meaningful chat to my boyfriend last night explaining how i felt about his actions and all i can do is hope he listened and changes insh'Allah.
At-Ta'if- Thankyou (: sometimes i dont think my boyfriend realises.. he seems to think about partying and his mates.. not his future.. but thats him.. i feel like as soon as i do a good deed or something thats halal, i match it with something thats haraam . i just want to be able to live a good happy healthy lifestyle
Um Binyameen- Thankyou for understanding me, what you said is very true. because i feel when im tested and always turn straight to Allah, i have so many emotions and ideas going thru my mind.. it feels so good to be loved by someone, someone who cares (: and i just dont want to lose my boyfriend, the one who cares the most
Sinan- Alhamdulillah Thankyou
11-Dec-2011 03:29 PM
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- Nov 2011
I met a young girl like you once, when I was practising at hospital. I was struck by the fact, although she knew very little, and her Muslim boyfriend had not even taught her to pray, she could say alhamulilah and loved Allah. She was afraid I think. But there's ways out of it. Ask Allah for help and to put you in a place that is best for your religion, this world and hereafter.
Start by finding good, practising friends at your local mosque and you'll be surprised how generous Muslims can be to new Muslims. You might even find other living arrangements.
11-Dec-2011 11:09 PM"Have they not travelled in the land so that they should have hearts with which to understand, or ears with which to hear? For surely it is not the eyes that are blind, but blind are the hearts which are in the breasts."
[al-Hajj, ayah 46]
11-Dec-2011 11:25 PM
Also don't forget.. If you give up something for the sake of Allaah, He will replace it for you with something better.What is for you will not pass you and what passes you is not for you!
لا تضيع الامانة
Do not lose the trust..
11-Dec-2011 11:42 PM
^major emphasis on the 'something better' - I'm sure we can all attest to that beautiful Promise time and time again. Allahu AkbarWhoever remembers death often will find a small amount (of worldly things) sufficient for him; and whoever includes his speech in his deeds will speak little.
Indeed, the wasteful are brothers of the devils, and ever has Satan been to his Lord ungrateful. (Surat al Isra': 27)
13-Dec-2011 07:39 AM
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- Sep 2011
Khadijak- wow, its soo good to know there's others like me. Thankyou for your advice, maybe I could find other living arrangments that's not only good for me but also for other reasons.
Cheesegirl- aww. Thankyou soo much (: I ffeel like all these wise sayyyings andd advice boostts my confidence.
Submission- wow, thankyou.. maybe I should think about that more insh'Allah. (:
Sister- very true. Allahu Akbar!
Muslims are all such warm, welcoming and caring people.. quite honestly.. I see no flaws or negativity in my religion or its people. Allahu Akbar
28-Dec-2011 12:05 AM
Based on your post, and the responses you have made, I believe you to be a very sensible
16 year old.
I will not give you any advice. Instead, I would like you to reflect on the following important questions:
1. I am sure many things are going through your head as you read the posts on this forum. What choices
have you considered and why did you choose to go with the choices you made?
2. What might your family be thinking about this situation?
3. What specific support might you need at the moment?
4. As you look back on the last 6 months, what do you think went well? and What might you do differently next time?
5. How might you find ways to continue to get assistance from others? and finally,
6. Given the fact that having a boyfriend is a major sin, what might be some options for you to get closer to Allah and seek His help?
All the best. Your brother in Islam, Cem
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