major advice/ help needed

[mayac]

Assalamu aleikum

My name is maya* I am 16yrs old and converted to islam about 6months ago. I seem to be facing alot of challenges and problems.. I need someone to look after me and tell me its not just me and that im going tro be alright


Firstly, I know its haraam, but I have a boyfriend who is also muslim, I know its not the best but my familyy don't know I have converted and becoming engaged at a young age will make them crazy

Honestly, I do love my boyfriend. His mum (also muslim) has taken me in as her own and helped me with alot of things although I seem to be ffacing many challenges

although I shouldn't be judgmental, my boyfriend is 'wandering' away from islam and his beliefs.. he's drinking smoking partying and girls flirting with him. I find it difficult to cope and have been prraying alot.. but I don't want to be angry with him because without him.. im nothing..

I want to wear hijab, pray at the mosque and participate in islamic events but find it difficult because of my family...

There's are more complex storries to my problems although to long to type. Please someone help me!

[Musa]

Wa Alaykum Assalam

You should break up with your boyfriend and worry about yourself first. Focus on getting good Muslim friends around you, going to the masjid and going to Islamic centres and events. You don't have to tell your family where you are going, for example just say you are going to see friends, you don't have to mention that you are going to an Islamic centre.

If the boy you are currently with is doing these things then he is not a good influence on you and is not going to help you come closer to Allah. You should tell him that you cannot be with him now as you fear Allah and don't want to be held accountable for his sins nor your own.

I went through almost exactly the same thing that you did, and I had a friend who also embraced Islam when I did. I broke up with my girlfriend and he did not, he said he loved her too much, even though he knows his relationship is Haram.
9 years later they are still together and he still does not pray.. may Allah guide him. This is because his girlfriend is not a good influence on him!!

Make sure that you stay away from all sins and Allah will help you dear sister. Allah will give you better friends and a true happiness, just make your way towards Him and begin your prayers and you will see things will become easy.

Make sure to meet some of the sisters on this forum and to attend Islamic centres often. If you ever have any problems we are all here to assist you insha'Allah. Many of us are also converts and will know what you are going through and can offer lots of advice.

[fatima_43]

yeah and sis maya but your boyfriend is flirting with girls.. you can get a better guy love

[fatima_43]

because without him.. im nothing..

you are very valuable, you're a diamond. don't put your self worth on the back of a guy lil sis.

What area are you in?

[Muslim..Priincess]

Wa alaykum sallam sis

May Allah reward you for entering into Islam and wanting to follow His commands, I ask Allah to make it easier for you.

Right now, are you living with your boyfriend, or are you with your family? InshAllah try going to Islamic events, weekly lectures, and centers. Many of us go and would be happy to meet and help you.

If you are in the northern side, then I know that Meadow heights mosque every wednesday conducts a girls-only lectures that lasts for one hour, we are all roughly your age, between 12-28 I believe..If you are able to make it we can speak about your issue and I know the older sisters have the means to help.

If telling your parents will be a problem, then don't, just say your going out or something.

I don't know whether telling you to break up with your boyfriend is the best thing right now, ( of course you shouldn't..but if your staying at his place and that's the only place you have you might want to wait) try telling him that what his doing is wrong and that he should stop immediately.

And in the mean time fear Allah, both you and your bf.

Wasallam and All the best, if you have any other problems then let us know and see if we can do anything inshAllah

[At-Ta'if]

Wa Alaykum Assalam sister,

Welcome to Islam. May Allah keep us all steadfast on this beautiful religion.

Allah says in the Quran:

"Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you." (49:13)

Women is Islam are like a diamond and are precious. Your boyfriend does not know this or does not care.

If you make Allah happy by obeying him through doing good deeds to the best of your ability, then He will certainly reward you with something better and make things easier for you.

As others have suggested, attend some classes and events and you will see that there are so many opportunities available for you. If you close a door for the sake of Allah, He will open other doors for you.

[Umm Binyameen]

Welcome sister. The advice given is all good....and I pray that Allah (swt) gives you the strength and conviction to do what is right. I know you are young, both in age and as a Muslim. You will come to realise that this life is a series of tests, and we have to go through a lot to finally realise that the only One we need to please is Allah. Your comment

because without him.. im nothing..

is totally understandable because emotions and need for love is one of the main things we strive for in this life. But as a muslim we need to understand that the love of Allah is the only true, real and everlasting love. And without that love, and without Allah, we are nothing....but so long as we have Him, then He will never place any burden or hardship upon us that we can't handle. Allah knows us better than we know ourselves, and He is closer to us than our jugular vein. Sometimes He puts us through painful tests, because it is only then that we turn to Him alone, and only in Him do we find the peace and ease. Insha'Allah sister you will meet some lovely sisters on here who will be your friend and help and guide you insha'Allah.

[Sinan.]

wa Alaykum salam wa rahmatullah

Welcome to Islam, may Allaah keep you firm and steadfast upon His religion, aameen

“Islam destroys that which came before it” means that it erases all previous sins and wipes them out. Stated by al-Nawawi rahimahullah in Sharh Muslim.

Your like a new-born inshaAllaah (God Willing)

[mayac]

Thankyou everyone for your advice and help (:

Musa- its very difficult doing everything so secretive and alone ,although my friends are Muslim, they are not practicing..may Allah guide them and i also know having a boyfriend is haraam, but honestly although he does silly things, im not with him when he does it and after he does he regrets it and says sorry.. although i dont like that.. thats the way it is right now.. im trying to live a good lifestyle and im trying to hold a good relationship with Allah.

Fatima_43- im from Sydney. && thankyou sister !

Muslim..Priincess- i live with my family in sydney who are all christian and are strongly against islam, this is not where i want to be living but is the only place for now. i had a very meaningful chat to my boyfriend last night explaining how i felt about his actions and all i can do is hope he listened and changes insh'Allah.

At-Ta'if- Thankyou (: sometimes i dont think my boyfriend realises.. he seems to think about partying and his mates.. not his future.. but thats him.. i feel like as soon as i do a good deed or something thats halal, i match it with something thats haraam . i just want to be able to live a good happy healthy lifestyle

Um Binyameen- Thankyou for understanding me, what you said is very true. because i feel when im tested and always turn straight to Allah, i have so many emotions and ideas going thru my mind.. it feels so good to be loved by someone, someone who cares (: and i just dont want to lose my boyfriend, the one who cares the most

Sinan- Alhamdulillah Thankyou

[KhadijaK]

I met a young girl like you once, when I was practising at hospital. I was struck by the fact, although she knew very little, and her Muslim boyfriend had not even taught her to pray, she could say alhamulilah and loved Allah. She was afraid I think. But there's ways out of it. Ask Allah for help and to put you in a place that is best for your religion, this world and hereafter.

Start by finding good, practising friends at your local mosque and you'll be surprised how generous Muslims can be to new Muslims. You might even find other living arrangements.

Khadija.

[cheesegirl]

you are very valuable, you're a diamond. don't put your self worth on the back of a guy lil sis.

What area are you in?

This times ten thousand. You are an individual - you are valuable, with or without hits person, or any other person!

[SuBMiSSioN]

Also don't forget.. If you give up something for the sake of Allaah, He will replace it for you with something better.

[Sister.]

^major emphasis on the 'something better' - I'm sure we can all attest to that beautiful Promise time and time again. Allahu Akbar

[mayac]

Khadijak- wow, its soo good to know there's others like me. Thankyou for your advice, maybe I could find other living arrangments that's not only good for me but also for other reasons.

Cheesegirl- aww. Thankyou soo much (: I ffeel like all these wise sayyyings andd advice boostts my confidence.

Submission- wow, thankyou.. maybe I should think about that more insh'Allah. (:

Sister- very true. Allahu Akbar!



Muslims are all such warm, welcoming and caring people.. quite honestly.. I see no flaws or negativity in my religion or its people. Allahu Akbar

[Cem]

Sr Maya,
Based on your post, and the responses you have made, I believe you to be a very sensible
16 year old.
I will not give you any advice. Instead, I would like you to reflect on the following important questions:

1. I am sure many things are going through your head as you read the posts on this forum. What choices
have you considered and why did you choose to go with the choices you made?
2. What might your family be thinking about this situation?
3. What specific support might you need at the moment?
4. As you look back on the last 6 months, what do you think went well? and What might you do differently next time?
5. How might you find ways to continue to get assistance from others? and finally,
6. Given the fact that having a boyfriend is a major sin, what might be some options for you to get closer to Allah and seek His help?

All the best. Your brother in Islam, Cem